I’ve already sacrificed hundreds of hours of my life for “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars.” Do I need another competition show?! Given the fact that many of my evenings are consumed with my own productions and social life, can I really give up 2 or 3 hours to Simon and company?

Ugh! It seems that I’m in it to win it now.

The new “X-Factor”–well, new to us in the U.S.–is slicker, more highly produced than “Idol.” I love the fact that Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are back together again where they belong; I totally dig pop singer Nicole Scherzinger as a judge (and a singer/dancer); and L.A. Reid is a thinking man’s Dawg (aka “Idol” hold-out Randy I-Can’t-Stand-You-Anymore Jackson.)

"The X-Factor" Judges

The biggest difference here is that fact that the initial round of auditions are not conducted in a small conference center break-out room, but in a stadium size theater with a live audience. This changes the game completely, putting the hopefuls right in the spotlight from the very second they step in front of the judges. That and the age range starts at 12, goes to infinity, and group acts are allowed.

And, naturally, comedy ensues.

One dude drops his pants and waves his cock around for all to see…causing poor Paula to gag and run from the set. A seemingly sweet country boy goes insane and throws his body across the stage as he screams obscenities. A creepy elderly couple sing a cringe-worthy duet. Oh, and a precious few wow the audience and prove that they have the chops to compete in a legitimate singing/performing show. Just a few.

Of course, it’s the fuck ups we most want to see…and “The X-Facter” doesn’t disappoint, complete with behind-the-scenes comments and rants.

Hey! And they have a bisexual hottie Brit as a host in Steve Jones. He’s no Ryan Seacrest, mind you, but he seems like he’ll be able to hold his own.

Host Steve Jones

When you get down to it, this British import isn’t all that different from the mega-blockbuster that is “Idol,” but it’s entertaining and worth a look. Is it worth my whole fall? Not sure. We’ll see how sucked in I really get.

The Hotel Costa Verde is 3 miles from Quepos and a 2 hour trip from San Jose. Together with regular rooms, bungalows, and all the bells and whistles you’d expect from a top resort, the hotel features a retrofitted 727 perched in the trees. Featuring two bedrooms, a full bathroom, and tons of wood, it combines everything I love in one package. Can’t wait.

Read more and see tons of cool pictures showing how they got the plane in place.

I just need a few million dollars. Easy.

For getting back and forth between DC and the New Jersey shore, for extended vacations around the U.S., and perhaps as a mobile recording studio for my Swish Edition or OnDeck! Podcast shows (can you say write-off?), THIS my friends, will do just nicely.

See the slideshow…

So Britney Spears. Lifetime achievement winner.

I know, right?! Britney, who is all of 29 years old, has been deemed by the MYV gods to be deserving of a MTV Video Vanguard Award? Granted, she has sold more than 35 million albums (people buy albums?) and is the 8th most successful female artist of all time, and, yes, she’s had some kickass videos throughout her career. But at 29? I can only gather that MTV has just plumb run out of people to give this particular award to. Either that, or they wanted to give it her now before she goes any further down in her spiral of piggishness (aledgedly). I don’t actually think the girl has ever really sung a note in her life (i.e. Milli), but I’ll admit that she used to be able to dance and most of her tunes are pretty damned fun to dance to.

But what they did last night was just plain weird. First, Lady Gaga, who was still in character as a tough dude from her opening number, introduced the segment saying that Spears was a huge inspiration for her (do you buy that?) and that she had the singer’s posters all over her room…posters she masturbated to. Ummm, yuck! Then, a troupe of dancers, dressed in classic Britney video outfits, danced to about a half dozen of Brit’s most popular tunes. Unfortuenetly, they danced the moves better than Britney ever did, making her look kind of silly.

The whole thing was kinda fun but it only lasted a couple of minutes, if that. I was left wanting more.

But what happened after that was just plain strange. Brit gets on stage to take the Moonman from Gaga. Gaga pretends like she’s going to kill Brit on the mouth but then never does, then Brit reads her one sentence acceptance from a Teleprompter. She then leads into an introduction for the next musical act, Beyonce. And in a flash, Brit is yesterday’s news and Beyonce comes out and commands and burns up the stage and THEN steals all of the thunder from everyone else in the room by announcing–via a belly rub at the end of her set–that she is indeed preggers with her ugly husbands baby.

And Britney is forgotten about.

Other highlights (or lowlights, as some may be):

• Chris Brown’s flying act was neat
• Jessie J did what she could while sitting down
• Jared Leto is a fucking lesbian-looking freak
• Was not impressed with Gaga as a boy
• Adele may be the classiest most talented singer on the scene right now
• Justin Bieber is a douche, looked like an idiot and brought his pet snake
• JayZ and Kayne West’s act was kinda blah and they are so damned pompous it makes you want to slap ‘em
• Nicki Minaj & Katy Perry need to stop trying to out-costume Lady Gaga
• Madonna was right to stay away
• I fell asleep before it was all over and don’t feel like I missed too much

In all seriousness, I did suffer some damage in the living room ceiling of my 130 year old townhouse here in DC. The crack is not new, but it is much larger and now goes from one side of the room to the other. I doubt there is any real structural damage, but we’ll be keeping our eye on this one.

Elsewhere in the city, the Washington Monument is NOT leaning, as was widely speculated about yesterday, but it does have a crack near the top and has been closed indefinetely. Also, the grand Washington Cathederal suffered much damage, including losing three of it’s four capstones. Also, all DC schools and some government buildings are closed today as officials check the structures for safety reasons.

Because I have the means to make instant t-shirts for my Swish Edition show, I couldn’t resist creating this to wear to happy hour yesterday. Several people took my picture and my friends instantly deemed me an attention whore, natch.

What else is new?

And now, we’ll ride out more after-shocks and keep our eyes on Hurricane Irene. That bitch.

Dinner anyone? What better way to arrive to Las Vegas’s airport than to have your belly filled so that you can get right to the gaming floor with your friends.

Or perhaps you’d rather get some work done on your way to that blogging conference in London.

And you have to advertise! Paint your name on the side and when you arrive…they’ll all know it’s you!

Take a look inside…

And I will be so sad when this crazy, much-naked season comes to an end.

But, no fear. HBO just announced that the series will return for Season Five next summer.

Eric + Sookie = Yumminess!

I’m kidding about the fucker part. I’m just jealous. (My book–not gay, but still a fun read–Scout’s Honor, was also self published, but I never put nearly enough effort into marketing it.)

“Gulliver Travels” is a fun read (I downloaded it on my iPad) and Justin is a great, multi-talented guy. We’re in negotiations to work on a project together, too, so I’m super excited about joining forces. Details on that soon…after you read his book!