Am I too old for MTV? I really only watch it for special events. I gave up on the “Real World” about 85 seasons ago. And they never, ever play any videos anymore. Hell, even MTV2 has reality shit. But last night I tuned in for the Video Music Awards (VMAs) mostly because I heard that Madonna was teaming up with Gaga to celebrate Britney. (Which, spoiler alert, didn’t happen.)
So Britney Spears. Lifetime achievement winner.
I know, right?! Britney, who is all of 29 years old, has been deemed by the MYV gods to be deserving of a MTV Video Vanguard Award? Granted, she has sold more than 35 million albums (people buy albums?) and is the 8th most successful female artist of all time, and, yes, she’s had some kickass videos throughout her career. But at 29? I can only gather that MTV has just plumb run out of people to give this particular award to. Either that, or they wanted to give it her now before she goes any further down in her spiral of piggishness (aledgedly). I don’t actually think the girl has ever really sung a note in her life (i.e. Milli), but I’ll admit that she used to be able to dance and most of her tunes are pretty damned fun to dance to.
But what they did last night was just plain weird. First, Lady Gaga, who was still in character as a tough dude from her opening number, introduced the segment saying that Spears was a huge inspiration for her (do you buy that?) and that she had the singer’s posters all over her room…posters she masturbated to. Ummm, yuck! Then, a troupe of dancers, dressed in classic Britney video outfits, danced to about a half dozen of Brit’s most popular tunes. Unfortuenetly, they danced the moves better than Britney ever did, making her look kind of silly.
The whole thing was kinda fun but it only lasted a couple of minutes, if that. I was left wanting more.
But what happened after that was just plain strange. Brit gets on stage to take the Moonman from Gaga. Gaga pretends like she’s going to kill Brit on the mouth but then never does, then Brit reads her one sentence acceptance from a Teleprompter. She then leads into an introduction for the next musical act, Beyonce. And in a flash, Brit is yesterday’s news and Beyonce comes out and commands and burns up the stage and THEN steals all of the thunder from everyone else in the room by announcing–via a belly rub at the end of her set–that she is indeed preggers with her ugly husbands baby.
And Britney is forgotten about.
Other highlights (or lowlights, as some may be):
- Chris Brown’s flying act was neat
- Jessie J did what she could while sitting down
- Jared Leto is a fucking lesbian-looking freak
- Was not impressed with Gaga as a boy
- Adele may be the classiest most talented singer on the scene right now
- Justin Bieber is a douche, looked like an idiot and brought his pet snake
- JayZ and Kayne West’s act was kinda blah and they are so damned pompous it makes you want to slap ‘em
- Nicki Minaj & Katy Perry need to stop trying to out-costume Lady Gaga
- Madonna was right to stay away
- I fell asleep before it was all over and don’t feel like I missed too much
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Tags: awards show, Beyonce, Britney Spears, Chris Brown, JayZ, Justin Bieber, Kayne West, Lady Gaga, Madonna, MTV, music, Nicki Minaj, snake, television, Video Music Awards, VMAs
